I researched how to create a website and started this site on April 18, 2015. For the past year I have developed this site, written our story and revamped it over and over again to get it as close to my vision as possible. If anything is taken away from this site it would be that while you are on a difficult journey to not lose sight in the joys of life around you. I write for the parents out there struggling and needing to find someone to relate to. I am not a doctor; just a mother and parent just like you. I write when my little ones are sleeping and I need to clear my head. I have written so I don’t have to discuss things constantly with those around me. I know how it wears on relationships. I write with a drive, passion and maybe a bit naïve hope that others could one day benefit from our journey. I hang on the possibility that everything we have been through has had some greater purpose and will lead to answers, connections, or insights for someone to figure out things sooner than we did.
I have toyed with the idea of going “live” for quite sometime. There is always something holding me back. I need to add this or add that before it is ready.
As I approach the one-year mark of this site I feel now may be as good a time as any. I have purged so much of this info from my brain. I can’t tell you how many nights I would think, “Oh wait, I should write about this!”
Creating this site & writing our story has been extremely therapeutic, healing and has helped to keep things in perspective for me. It has helped me cope and deal with my feelings and emotions so that I may be able to move on with life positively.
The next year for me is about our family moving on with life with joy and enthusiasm about what lies ahead. My daughter starts Kindergarten in the fall at a peanut free school. I am going to start my son in a peanut free preschool in the fall part time. I think he is ready and I think this momma is ready to head back to work part time. I feel that because of this site and my writing I can head back out to the work world with a clear head because I have dealt with where we have been. I am ready to find myself again but I am certainly not the same person I was when I left. While it has been a rough road I have gained compassion, empathy and joy for others around me like I have never known.
I am happy to report my kids are doing fantastic.
They are happy, healthy and laugh a lot. They sleep well which is now an amazing gift. The two of them have a friendship and bond that I am ecstatic over and grateful for.
While they have their moments they sure play well together and really look out for each other. I can say that Andrew has normal/ age appropriate behavior and it would be ok to have him in someone else’s care and probably be good for him in many aspects. Today, when Andrew lays with me, smiles, hugs my leg, gives me Eskimo kisses and lets me hold him I appreciate it more than I can ever explain to you. Until you know the feeling when a child doesn’t want to be held does it teach your heart to cherish the holding in such a way you would never want to let go.
I will continue to be relentless for my children in our fight against peanut allergies and our search for answers for their flare-ups. I will keep moving with epi pens in hand and writing to tell you as I learn more.
As I approach April 18th, I ask myself should I go live or should I hit delete? I know what I have gained from writing this personally. I know it has helped me in so many ways. I could certainly hit delete and it all just go away. But, the reason I created this was not for me, it was for others to not have to go through what we did for so long. Sometimes I think it could be so much easier to hit delete than to put our story live. I will do it because I truly believe there is someone out there this will reach. There has to be some reason I would lay awake at night thinking I must write this. If you are that person I wish you all the best on your journey and hope this brings a light at the end of your tunnel.
God Bless You,
Love,
A Relentless Mom