Category: Stories about Poop & When you need a laugh

It was April and just a few short weeks away from the end of the school year.  My kids and I had ventured to a craft show where my girlfriends had a booth of crafts and end of year teacher gifts.  I knew taking my kiddos to a craft show was no simple task.  I packed the stroller and enough snacks to buy me 10 minutes at their table.  I didn’t care if I went to another table.  My goal was to get my daughter, Adalyn’s, end of year Preschool teacher gifts, support my fellow momma friends and we would be on our way.  I kept my expectations low that this would be a successful trip and to my surprise, it was.  We got out quickly, fantastic gifts and all!  (Let’s just give their Etsy shop a little side shout out while we are on the subject. ~ https://www.etsy.com/shop/hellomynameis1331 )

The next day my daughter planned to present the gifts to her teachers when she arrived at school.  Since she was in the afternoon class she planned to make cards that morning to go along with the gifts. Andrew, my 2 year old son had just asked to watch a show on the couch.  He had played all morning so far and was looking for a little rest time.  It was a good time to work with Adalyn on her cards.  She asked me if she could have the box of colored Sharpie markers from the up high cupboard so she could write on the cards.  I agreed as I knew I would be helping her.  

I got to tell you, I remember very well the feeling I had that day. There were two weeks left of school and I already had teacher end of year gifts!   One gift was a countdown to the end of the year with her teacher’s name monogrammed on it.  I was so excited that I was actually ahead of the game on something! That was a rarity these days with a 5 year old, 2 year old and a puppy!  Never Have That Feeling… Never, Ever.. Have.. THAT feeling.. that you are ahead of the game.. I learned quickly that this is a little heads up, life is about to get real!

Adalyn asked me for the black sharpie marker.  It seemed to have just disappeared from the table.   Did I have it in my hand and take it to the laundry room when I loaded the clothes in the dryer?  Did I leave it in the bathroom? Maybe I left it on the counter when I grabbed Andrew’s milk?  I retraced my steps around the house for the last 15 minutes which is like retracing 2 miles in circles.  I don’t know about you but I feel like I am always running around.  “Ady, I am sorry, I can’t seem to find the black sharpie, “ I said.  That is when Andrew tugged at my pant leg, “Look mom!”  as he pointed to the couch.  

I think the couch speaks for me in how I felt in that moment.  The classic momma defeat.  I did my best to get the marker out that day.  I tried tips on Pinterest and Youtube and called on my momma ally’s for advice.  I used all the secret tricks: dawn soap, rubbing alcohol, goop, baking soda, magic eraser, hairspray, and the microfiber furniture cleaner the coach came with.  My local carpet cleaner advised me rather than paying to have it cleaned, “take it to the curb!”  I did my very best to get it out.  The cushions were unsalvageable.  

Thanks to Bed Bath & Beyond and the $150 couch cover, we survived this.  It just took me a few months to laugh and write about it.  

I am slowly realizing that some of our most overwhelming parenting moments, while not funny at the time, turn out in the end to be your most hilarious memories to look back on and favorite stories to share.

I hope this gave you a good laugh!  Did you have a similar experience? I would love to know!

If there is anything parents can relate to it is how the worst things always happen in the most awkward of places. We have all been there and while they may have been awkward at the time we can all look back on them and laugh. My husband and I love the beginning of the movie Couple’s Retreat where Vince Vaughn and his family head to the home improvement store. His son proceeds to use the toilet in one of the bathroom displays. I think every parents dies laughing because that too or something similar has happened to them or they could see it happening.

When Ady was 2 months old I took her to open up her first account at my local bank. I remember that day so clearly and my favorite outfit she had on. It was a pink floral romper with matching hat and she was darling in it.

As we discussed the different options for her first savings account Adalyn sat on my lap while the agent admired her. As we continued on, Adalyn pooped. This wasn’t a little poop. Adalyn pooped so much it went up her back and I could see it through her romper and could feel the warmth on my leg. I am sure my face turned all shades of red in that moment. The agent was as kind as could be as I explained that I had to change her and quick! She explained that they did not have a public restroom and offered me her bosses’ office next to hers. She walked me in and said I could change Adalyn on her bosses’ desk. She instructed me to do it and I laid out my gear and cleaned her right up. If I had to do it again I would have changed it on the floor rather than her bosses’ desk. Luckily the boss was not in that day but I could only imagine what this person must have been like for her to have offered me to do that on their desk!

I am not quite sure what it is about banks but when Adalyn was two, she, her dad and I went to another bank to have a meeting about refinancing our house. Adalyn sat on her dads lap that day. I remember that day well because he was bouncing her on his knee as we talked and she projectile vomited all over the agent’s desk and floor. Oh we did what we could to clean it up but I can’t imagine she got that smell of sour milk out of her office for quite some time.

Ady was not just partial to banks. We enjoyed a poop explosion in a dressing room at Kohl’s once too. When Ady was a baby I always would go to a dressing room if we were out and we needed to break for a nursing session. Target and Kohl’s dressing rooms make for a very pleasant and relaxed nursing experience. This particular trip my mother was with us at Kohl’s because it was my first shopping trip out with Adalyn. My mother decided to go look at clothing on her own while I went into the dressing room to nurse Adalyn. As she fed I watched the two of us in the mirror ahead of me. I don’t know what it was about nursing but that was always Adalyn’s magic poop time. She would just relax and release. As I looked in the mirror I noticed brown seeping through her outfit and crawling up her back. There was so much I didn’t know what to do. I was in a dressing room! I quickly grabbed my phone and asked my mother to join us. I was so grateful for her that day as she helped me clean up Adalyn and get her a wardrobe change.

While I can’t remember that many more instances where Adalyn pooped like that, when she did do it she made it memorable.

The only other time I remember her throwing up, as a baby was when I was holding her in her bedroom when she was running her first fever. I was holding her in my left arm and our faces were close together as I was comforting her. Right then, she puked and it shot straight and direct right into my mouth. I think it was the first time Adalyn had ever vomited. I remember gagging and rushing to get us cleaned up after. I don’t remember if I was more concerned with her vomiting in my mouth or that I was so consumed with the fact it was her first time ever throwing up. Either way, I always will remember Adalyn’s first bank deposit, shopping trip and first vomit. While these are not the usual things you want to remember they are the things that I look back and laugh about.

 

It’s a special time at night.  When you bring your lil one up for bed.  The final snuggles, books, and songs for the day.  A momma is nearing or surpassed her limits for the day and she is eager for rest too.  As we reached Andrew’s room I lay him on the changing dresser and pull out the overnight diaper.  As I remove his diaper I see twinkling snow like crystals burst from the diaper and spill EVERYWHERE!  The infamous diaper fail.  I have not had too many of these instances but this was one I sure will remember.  My 4 year old ran into the room and screamed, “Mom! Ewww.. Why does Andrew poop white?!?!”  As I attempt to clean Andrew up I realize these were sticky jelly like absorbent beads and this was not going to be easy.  I continued to thoroughly clean him up and change his clothes.  I put him in his crib while my husband brought in the vacuum from downstairs.  We quickly found the glistening snowlike sticky jelly beads would not vacuum up!  I was finally able to clean the beads off the top of dresser and sides with baby wipes.  Of course this will be the last time I fall for the buy 2 cases of our brand diapers and get a gift card sucker scheme at the store.  It always seems like those cases last you forever too!  Back to my trusted Pampers Sensitive brand I go!

 

My little man has never been one who cared much for his pants changed. I even attempted (failed) potty training when he turned two just because he hates pants changes so much. He was peeing fine in the potty but it all went south the first time he dropped a pooh nugget in the potty. He took one look and screamed in shear horror and wouldn’t go near the pooh pot after that. I gave things a break for a while and went back to the pants changing battle. Lately however he has been more cooperative. Well until he pulled a fast one. Last week I was changing Andrew’s pants and as I unwrapped I was taken back by the size and roundness of this pooh ball. As I reached for a wipe Andrew pulled a fast one on me… literally. With a quick pull of his hand he yanked his diaper right out from underneath him. Something he had never done before. His pooh ball flew! It landed and lodged right between his chin & neck. As Andrew’s eyes met the sight of the pooh ball a look of horror shot across his face. His look of horror & disgust reflected on my face. I paused for the tiniest of seconds, as I knew I had to act fast and I picked up the nugget. Oh I picked it up barehanded and quick. I have never moved so fast in my life as I cleaned him up, wrapped it up, disinfected myself and bathed him quick. There is not much more to say. It is amazing the things a parent will have to do when they have to change their kiddos pooh.

It was the morning before my 4-year-old’s Christmas concert. It was time to start getting ready to leave.  We had our new puppy Rosie for about 2 1/2 weeks at this point.  We were starting to get a routine but were still learning our new habits as well.  This was a bizarre December for Ohio this year. We have had temps in the 50’s & 60s thus far and nothing more than a few flurries.  It has been perfect for a new puppy.  The kiddos love to throw their coats on for quick trips outside while we take Rosie out.  She had recently been out so when she was standing by the door scratching to go out I knew I had to be quick.  She is starting to tell us if she needs to go out in between her usual let-outs.  I picked up Andrew (my 2 year old) with no shoes on and told Ady come out with me quick.  I threw a hat on Andrew.  Today was in the 60s and since we would be quick, I would forgo the coat just this once I thought.  Ady ran out behind us.  We gave Rosie a minute and she peed twice.  We all headed back to the door when Rosie tugged for one more.  While Ady was walking back up the steps I said, “Wait one sec Ady.”  When she proceeded I headed up to the house behind her with Andrew in arms and puppy on leash. As I approached, the door closes and I hear the “click” of the lock.  At first I remained calm. “Ady can you open the door?” I called. I heard footsteps run away and giggles.  She thought she was being funny.  While knocking, “Ady open the door”.  I am repeating this while remaining calm.  If she knows I am mad she will never come.  No answer and no open door.  Andrew is getting heavy at this point.  He is 28 solid pounds with no shoes may I remind you so I can’t put him down.  I head to the back of the house.  The back stairs are steep.  Our tiny pup cant climb so now I am carrying both pup and Andrew.  I search for the spare key in our secret spot.  Thank goodness we put this here about 4 weeks prior.  I find the key and make my way back in the front door.  Ady is giggling as I enter.  I was a furious sort of mad.  I tell Ady that mommy is very upset and she needs to go to her room so mommy can calm down for a minute.  As Ady walks upstairs and momma catches her breath Rosie drops her pooh nuggets on the hardwood floor.  Momma thought she was on the verge of a meltdown.  It was a mere seconds later Andrew would go on to poop as well.  Its always a pooh pooh palooza in this house.  When momma recomposed Ady and I had a serious talk.  It wasn’t about momma being mad because she locked me out.  It was about the danger of her locking me out and what a big deal this was.  I was clear if this happened again we could not keep puppy. She promised she would never do it again. While I felt horrible for what I threatened, I think/hope/pray she took me seriously. Oh a day in the life of a parent.

Later on, Andrew, Daddy and I watched Ady as the “Star” in her school Christmas program.  I thought about how proud I am of this little lady. She had the biggest smile on her face and waved to us between each song.  While she dressed as a Star she truly was the “Star”.  I wasn’t thinking of how mad she had made me only hours before rather how proud she made us each day.  It only reminds me that while there are tough minutes/hours, there are far more precious moments to be proud of.

I am so proud to be this “star’s” momma.

It was going to be a big one! Man it smelled. He worked so hard on this one! As I carried my son to the changing table he just arched his back and screamed. Unfortunately, this is pretty common for our pants changing sessions. Although usually I bring a toy and can distract him. This time he wasn’t having it. I knew I had to be quick. He was a wiggle worm! As I opened the diaper I saw the nugget. It was a bit larger than usual but this would be a one wipe kind of change. As I went to close up the nugget in the diaper, He threw down!! His legs flailed, body rolling as he screamed! Oh the scream! I quickly tried to get him back over. Then realized he kicked the pooh nugget! I quickly grabbed a wipe to clean up his foot from the pooh. I quickly fastened the new diaper around him and set him on the floor for the pooh clean up. Going back to the changing table I reached for the diaper. Looking inside I thought, “where’s the pooh nugget?” It was gone! I looked all over the table, looked in the cracks around the changing pad where the table meets the pad, I looked on the neighboring couch, the floor, behind the table, in the below drawer, on his shirt, on me.. Where’s the pooh??!!! Then I recollected the wipes around the table and diaper and there it was… The lost pooh nugget. This would never happen with regular pooh I thought. Damn hard constipation pooh nugget! I laughed at what had just happened and called my husband to share a laugh for the day.

Volcano about to erupt.

“Momma I peed!” my 3 year old Adalyn shouts!

“Don’t forget to wipe!” I call back.

“Now I need to poop!” She says.

“Ok I’ll be there in a minute to help”. I say.

I put my 10-month-old Andrew down by the toys as I walk over to the bathroom to help my daughter wipe.

“I made a pooh nugget!” Ady says.

“Great job Ady”! I help her wipe and watch as she washes her hands. She is such a big girl now!

We sing our song! “I made a nugget… A stinky pooh nugget!” (Sung) It is so funny that joking about making pooh nuggets in the potty was our way of getting her to poop in the big girl potty. One day she just shouted, “I made a pooh nugget!” In Ady’s case, they were nuggets. While getting her to pee on the potty could be a struggle, she never hesitated to poop on the potty! We just sang our pooh nugget song!

I look over at Andrew and see that look. It’s his poop face. Then it happened.  There is so much poop pouring out of his diaper that it is crawling up his back then crumbling over the back of his diaper and dripping down to the floor making a poop pool on the carpet. It happened so fast! It was unbelievable! It was like a volcano that ruptured poop. Except that it wasn’t. It was a butt and ruptured poop all over the carpet!!!! Holy shit!!

You can imagine what this mess was like to clean up. I’ll spare you the details but, I will go on to say that the volcano erupted 2x more that day. This will begin my son’s pipe cleaning and hopefully be the beginning to the end of a very long and painful journey for my little man. Hopefully.

This post is dedicated to all the parents. Mommas especially, who have struggled with reflux and infant constipation.  If you tap in you will find there are so many of us out there. I pray you know that you are not alone.  I may joke about this journey and pooh nuggets and volcanoes erupting but it is my way of dealing and laughing about it all.  I hope you can find laughter through some of this as well.