Why don’t I have a bucket list? I honestly don’t have a list of things I feel like I must do or places I must visit. I enjoy traveling and experiencing new things but I don’t know that I feel that I will have missed anything in this life if I don’t get to do certain things. Maybe it is just the stage of life I am in right now and one day I will feel differently. Currently I am the mom to two beautiful young children who bring me joy in every day and I have the most amazing husband a girl could ask for. In my life, being a mom and a wife has overflowed my “bucket”. So, when I hear people talk about a bucket list I have always feel a bit lost in the conversation. Shouldn’t I have those dreams I started to ask myself?
I have a list in my head that I would like to one day fulfill its just a different kind of a of bucket list. What about the things we think about doing but never get around to doing for others? We get these thoughts about how nice it would be to do something for others but we never have time in our days. We always hear about those people who pay for others or do nice deeds but how often do we ourselves do them? I have been a full time working mom, a part time working mom and now a stay at home mom. I can tell you that in each situation, you lack time and often the funds. It is so hard to get to your own laundry list of “to do’s” needed just to run your own household. I am as guilty as anyone for this. So time for extras and things we would like to do for others is sometimes tough to fit in.
I started to think what about a bucket list of things to do for others would look like. Maybe a humanitarian sort of bucket list? Maybe I make a list of things that I would like to do for others in my lifetime? I have always had this idea that I want to go to a woman’s shelter and take a mom and kids and pay their bills for 6 months to help her get back on her feet. My husband and I get no greater joy than when we have sponsored families at Christmas time. What if I could do more? What if we start with little things in our everyday lives and work our way up? While I am sure there are many wonderful people who are doing these things, I need to be a better person and incorporate this into my own life and make time. I need to give of myself; I need to give back to others, donate more, complete random acts of kindness and volunteer more. I need to give back to make this world a better place.
For me the past few years of becoming a mom have changed me dramatically. Watching the news now just brings fears like I could have never imagined. Sometimes after watching the news I want to lock my kids in the house and never allow them to leave. I think about how awful the world is and how unsafe I feel almost everywhere. I ask myself the same question probably all moms have in previous generations. Did my mother feel this way? When asked, she said she had the same fears and questions for her mother.
While in college the year after 9-11 a sorority sister quoted Mr. Rogers reminding us that when there is a disaster or evil done in the world not to focus on the one or few individuals committing the crime but rather, “Look for the helpers.” (Fred Rogers). When you focus on all the good people “helping” you see there are far more good than evil. The day I was home and watched the Boston Marathon bombing that was all I could do was to think of the “helpers” to get me through seeing the events of that day unfold. My deepest sympathy to all the victims and the families of that tragic day. The news and things we hear daily keep getting worse. Who would have thought I would feel nervous to take my kids to the mall playground in the most chilling of winters in Cleveland because I don’t feel safe anymore even at the malls around me.
When I look at the evil in the world I always think, we as mothers need to get this world back in gear. Teach our children to love each other and be kind to one another regardless of someone’s race, religion, social status or whatever. When I am out in public with my kids I start talking to moms all around me. You connect with other moms and relate to them just from motherhood experiences. It doesn’t matter your background we are all moms and are all dealing with the same things. It is motherhood that unites us. The love, care and concern for our children that unites us across all nationalities and religions. I have the same momma talk with other mommas no matter what she looks like or her background. We relate simply because of motherhood. That is what brings us together. Not her skin, her religion but that she is a momma and we instantly know what we are going through. We can instantly speak and bond over discussions of tireless nights, where to get the best baby gear, the funny things our children do, eczema, nursing struggles, allergies, colic and the love we have for our children. On the journey with my son I have been a part of an International Support Group for Eczema. You see the same support, struggle and determination from every mom no matter which country she is from. If it is our world that is so divided maybe it is mothers that relate to each other that will help to unite this world back. One thing I have learned as a mom is just how similar we all are. How similar our children are. Children share the commonalities of play, curiosity, laughter and spirit. You cannot tell a child’s race, background or sex from their laugh or their cry. We mothers need to remember this as we teach our children to be kind to one another and we ourselves treat each other.
A few months back there was so much in the news about police officers and race issues. I kept thinking to myself. If my husband was a policeman I would be terrified for him to go to work today no matter what our race was. I would just be concerned for his safety. I can’t even imagine how many other wives feel that way each day. One day, there was a policeman patrolling my cul-de-sac on a bitter cold day. I dressed my kiddos up and we brought him a cup of coffee and chocolate treats I had in the cupboard. I told him we just wanted to “Thank him for the work he does and let him know he was appreciated.” I can’t imagine how tough it must be to be in the army, navy, & law enforcement. These men and women are putting themselves in harms way every day to protect all of us and our families and earning far less respect than they clearly deserve. The next time you see a man or woman in uniform whether army, military, law enforcement, remember to smile at them and say, “Thank you for your service.” I have been doing this for the past few years and I can’t tell you how caught off guard they get to hear this. But, they need to hear it, from each of us. They need to know how valued they are and how much they are worth and appreciated by each family in this country.
Our world has become an incredibly scary place. We are watching stories on the news of ISIS and shooters in our children’s schools. There is so much hate and we can talk all day of taking away guns from keeping people from harming each other but doesn’t loving others and being kind to others need to start at home? What happened to instilling good morals into our children and teaching our children to respect each other and respect adults, teachers, military and law enforcement?
So as I approached Lent this year I was trying to figure out what to give up. I know I could say I was giving up chocolate but let’s be real. It would take one real tough tantrum from one of my kiddos and I would be sneaking the chocolate covered pretzels stashed in the pantry. I wanted something real for Lent. Last year I attempted the 40 bags 40 days declutter project. That is amazing for anyone who has not tried this. But this year I felt that Lent should be for me about what I could give of myself for 40 days. Then I thought again about my bucket list. This year each day I would try to think of something I can do for someone else. It doesn’t have to be big or expensive but just something to help someone, make someone’s day and to simply plant kindness in our world. Once my list was completed I would probably just delete it or keep it for personal use. It is not something to post or show others what I did but just something between god and myself.
As I started this project I was wondering how I could come up with 40 things but everyday I just keep thinking of more and more things I had wanted to do for those around me. I kept the list for myself and each day I would add something that we did for someone else. There were days I didn’t know what to do and I would almost be seeking out others around me while out and about to help. What joy it brought to my life to do for others. When you open your eyes and look around you and see those in need you truly see how many people truly could use help. So many things from that experience I have taken with me. Every time, I am at the grocery store I am always looking to see when I take my cart back if there is someone else that may benefit from me taking his or her cart back too. Sometimes it’s the little things we do for others than can turn another person’s day around. Sometimes it’s just about compassion towards others. I can’t tell you how fun it was to do something for strangers around me that would never know me just know that someone did something for them out of kindness. To restore faith in someone else’s world that kindness indeed still exists! It was fun to imagine what their reactions would be when I left. Did it turn someone’s bad day around. These things you do for others could be simply visiting a relative that could use company, sending flowers or card to someone in need, picking up the tab for someone else as you pick up your take out at a local restaurant, paying someone else’s bill at a drive thru, volunteering at church or local charity or cleaning up in your neighborhood. Whatever is in your heart. Anything. Some things will seek you when you are open to it. Maybe if we all do enough good or exhibit enough kindness in our world it might shrink the size of the evil we all feel exists around us.
“We will never have a perfect world, but it is not romantic or naïve to work towards a better one.” – Steven Pinker
I read that on a Chipotle bag a few months back and it has been something that has just stuck with me. I will continue my list as I continue on this journey through Lent. I will look for ways to help others. While this is something that I should do in my everyday life it is something I am going to practice and challenge myself to do during Lent this year. This is my promise to God this Lenten season. I truly believe that with all the evil in the world we can make a difference and bring so much joy and love to the world through good deeds towards others. I pray that God helps me on this journey and one day maybe others would try the “Humanitarian Bucket List” during their 40-Day Lent. Maybe if we as mothers teach our children to be kind to others but also show them humanity through our own acts we can help to make this world a much better place to leave for them.